Yes, Dez, you read right... FIC. This is just a shortie, but maybe it'll b=
reak
my writer's block. Maybe. Ha. ANYway... you don't have to worry about a lo=
ng
delay, darlin', there's only one part. ^_^ So hopefully *I* don't have to
worry about any "HURRY UP AND FINISH" bricks... 
Dez: ::throws a brick marked "HURRY UP AND FINISH YOUR INTRO SO I CAN READ
YOUR DANG FIC!!!"::
Owch! Okay, anyway... Here's my contribution to the crop of angsty vignett=
es
that keep popping up. 
NOTE: This is a companion to "Tears and Silence." If you haven't  
<A HREF=3D"http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Dreamworld/1601/fics/ts1.html">=
read
my fic</A> 
already, you might want to, or else skip this, because it will just confus=
e
you, I think. Or maybe not. Maybe you'll just psychicly know who Jer is, a=
nd
what's going on with Jessie, and why Hadji's acting weird, and... nevermin=
d.
Either read my fic and get over it, or skip this one too and miss out on m=
y
lovely and beautiful writing. Your call.

Memories and Photographs
by Peggy (pegret01@aol.com)
Companion to "Tears and Silence"
Rating: V, A
Status: 1/1
Disclaimer: Yes, the traditional Peggy disclaimer: Me no own. Please no su=
e.


=09Hadji handed Jessie a cup of coffee. She stirred it apathetically as he
filled his own mug and sat down with it. A moment later she abruptly stood=
,
dumped her coffee down the sink, and left the room.
=09Hadji watched her go and sighed, a heavy blanket of guilt settling arou=
nd his
shoulders. He couldn't stop feeling like it was his fault Jer was dead. Af=
ter
all, he'd pulled the trigger=85

=09Jessie stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her hair was flat and
lackluster, her eyes red-rimmed. Sallow circles beneath her eyes betrayed =
her
restlessness. With an impatient sigh, she pushed the mirror aside, took a
bottle from the medicine cabinet behind it, and dry-swallowed a pair of
painkillers. Her head felt as if someone was swinging a mallet against it =
over
and over. 
=09Over the past few days, she had been to a memorial service-they shouldn=
't
have bothered-and been inundated with cards and phone calls. She wished th=
e
people who had sent them hadn't bothered, either. Why the hell did they th=
ink
she'd been skipping school, if not to avoid the "I'm-so-sorry" looks, the
stupid comments, the "I-don't-know-what-to-say-but-I'll-feel-evil-if-I-don=
't-
say-anything" pats on the back=85 She slammed the mirror back in place. 
=09"It's not as if they knew him," she muttered angrily. "It's not as if t=
hey
knew what he was like." But then, did she? Or had everything been a lie? 
=09She closed her eyes and fell against the wall, hand to her forehead. Al=
l
those good times=85gone=85

=09Hadji knocked softly, and, getting no response, entered Jessie's room. =
Empty.
He saw scattered pictures on her floor and dresser. Her unmade bed was str=
ewn
with rumpled sheets and blankets. Her nightstand, usually cluttered with
miscellaneous items and rubbish, was home to only a lamp, a box of tissues=
,
and a silver picture frame.
=09Picking the picture, he saw the figure that in a few short months had b=
ecome
familiar: the shaggy black hair, dancing blue eyes, the ever-present happy
smile. Jer sat in the picture with his arm around Jessie, the two of them
laughing. Hadji felt his stomach churn. 
=09He had taken that picture. A month ago, the three of them had decided t=
o try
bird watching at the local park. Jer kept insisting that his sister was nu=
ts
about birds, and she'd kill him if he didn't bring back pictures of the lo=
cal
ones. Jonny decided he'd pass, and instead saw a movie with Rick. So Hadji=
 had
gone to the park with them, worried at first that he'd be out of place alo=
ne
with them. But he genuinely liked Jer, and the two of them got along well.
Hadji enjoyed himself, and so did they-photographing birds turned out not =
to
be as easy as it sounded. They had ended up with nine pigeons, a sparrow, =
a
woodpecker, and a squirrel. And this picture. He slid it from the frame to
read the writing on the back: "Lovebirds." And suddenly that stupid pun ma=
de
the bile rise in his throat. He shoved the picture back inside the frame a=
nd
pushed it face down on the nightstand. Turning slowly, he took a step towa=
rds
the scattered pictures on the floor. He pursued his morbid interest as tho=
ugh
in a trance, and despite a growing feeling of=85what? Apprehension? What w=
as he
afraid of? They were only pictures=85
=09He gathered up a handful of them and was assailed by a hundred deep blu=
e
eyes, smiling, grinning, laughing in the pictures, but suddenly aimed at h=
im
in an imagined hateful glare. With a start he recoiled, and, hearing a noi=
se
behind him, whirled around to see Jessie standing, silent, in the doorway.
=09For a moment they faced each other silently, each surprised by the othe=
r's
unexpected presence. 
=09"Jessie," Hadji stammered, "I-"
=09"It's okay, Hadj," she murmured, walking into the room and placing a ha=
nd on
the picture frame that lay face down upon her nightstand. Puzzled, she rig=
hted
it, and, with a sigh, gently ran her hand along the silver frame. "I shoul=
d
really put them all away. The pictures, I mean. But-" She broke off, and h=
er
words hung in the air.
=09Hadji's eyes were still wide, his hands still clutching the pile of loo=
se
pictures. Suddenly, he lowered his eyes guiltily, like a penitent sinner i=
n a
confessional. "Jessie, I-" he started, suddenly unable to meet her eyes.
"I'm=85I'm so sorry=85" He began to cry, silent tears snaking down his dar=
k
cheeks.
=09Jessie looked at him in shock. "What-" And her arms were around him,
comforting, reassuring=85
=09He broke away, turning his back to her. "I'm sorry, Jessie. It's all my=
 fault
he's gone=85"
=09She gaped at him. "No!" she cried out, suddenly realizing what he meant=
. She
pulled him around, made him face her, shook him violently. "No! Listen to =
me,
Hadji: it's not your fault!" She ripped the pictures out of his hands as s=
he
began to cry as well, hot tears of fury and frustration. "It's all his fau=
lt!
His!" She flung the pictures down onto the floor. "You saved my life, Hadj=
i!
He tried to kill me=85" At this her voice broke and she turned away, back =
to the
nightstand, to the framed picture. She saw in this one picture everything,
everything she'd loved about him=85 his warmth, his caring, his laughter, =
his
love=85And all of it a lie=85
=09And suddenly it was all too much for her to bear. She snatched the pict=
ure
and flung it across the room with all her might in one fluid motion. "It's=
 all
his fault!" she cried out as she threw it, giving vent to the frustration =
and
the anger that had been eating away at her, lurking beneath her misery: an=
ger
at his betrayal, at her own misplaced trust. The picture crashed against t=
he
corner of her desk with a bang and fell to the floor, a spiderweb of crack=
ed
glass obscuring the happy, smiling faces underneath.
=09 An anguished sob caught in her throat and she buried her flushed face =
in her
hands.
=09A moment later, she looked up, eyes watery but tears all held in check.
"Don't you ever think it's your fault, Hadji. Don't you dare," she told hi=
m,
her voice shaking with emotion. "Don't you dare." She turned and fled,
silently, without a destination in mind, but simply stifled, trapped and
choking on the stale air full of grief and guilt and misplaced blame that =
lay
in her bedroom so thickly that it almost reached out and wrapped itself ar=
ound
her.
=09As though in shock, Hadji watched her go, wanting to comfort her, knowi=
ng he
couldn't. With his hand on the doorframe, he let her go=85 and felt the we=
ight
of the imagined blame dissipate from around his slumped shoulders and simp=
ly
float away. Turning back into the room, he saw the newly re-scattered
photographs for what they were: memories lost and scattered to the wind. T=
he
best of these was shattered, unfixably, the smiles obscured, the happy cou=
ple
torn apart by wicked shards of glass. 
=09He left the room and closed the door behind him.


1/8/99. =A9 Peggy Larkin
Comments always welcome... <A HREF=3D"mailto:pegret01@aol.com">pegret01@ao=
l.com
</A> 

<3 Peggy & the Peeples in her Head, who SWEAR this was the only fic-y thin=
g
going on over here, even though they previously swore there was nothing at
all, and who think you really should believe them this time... ^_^ We swea=
r!
Nothing at all even slightly fic-y! That word document named "Caroline" is
something else entirely... really!
Amy: Are you suicidal, or what? And where's... you know?
Peggy: Erm.... can't talk now, gotta run...::flees::
Dez: I'll get you for this, you TEASE!!!!
Peggy: ::over her shoulder:: All writers are...it's our job!


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